Guys: Can’t get it up? Blame a woman – at least that seems to be what’s happening in the story of this woman Fawza Falih who’s been sentenced to death for witchcraft in our favorite faked-up place: Saudi Arabia where a man’s problem is ALWAYS a woman’s fault.

Typical Saudi injustice system shenanigans: accuse someone of a nonsensical, far-fetched crime so imaginatively unreasonable you can’t possibly believe any justice system would take it seriously – but then remember there is a faked up place called Saudi Arabia where they sentence women to death for such bizarre crimes like a man’s impotence; the direction of the wind or the position of the sun in the sky if it displeases some man; taking too many breaths per hour which depletes oxygen levels for the male population; bearing ugly children even if she’s stunningly beautiful and dad’s a hideous beast - it’s her womb’s crime for failing to erase dad’s repulsive qualities from the child before giving birth to it. It’s always the woman’s fault in Saudi Arabia even for things upon which she has ZERO control or influence.

The actual crime – to which the Saudis will never admit – is simply the act of being female. They can’t admit that’s what it is. Instead, they concoct these asinine scenarios around which to charge a woman so they can punish her. Maybe they feel they must give the world a reason for their inhumane behavior although very few in the world could acknowledge any of their reasons as valid. I’d actually give them more credit if they simply admitted they hate women and will punish them in whichever way they choose because the woman simply made the mistake of being a woman in Saudi-fakin-Arabia. Why not just say you need no reason because let’s face it – these crimes you concoct, you Saudi faks, are NOT crimes in any civilized part of the world. Only twisted faks could argue these are punishable crimes, and what’s even more faked up is that they love sentencing women to death. It’d be bad enough if some of these ‘crimes’ were punishable by a monetary fine or community service where you have to go pick up after the camels or something but NO, no, it’s got to be death with these faks because once you finish beating, raping, falsely accusing a woman, what’s left to do with her but kill her?

This guy can’t get an erection so it’s not a medical problem or his failure as a man but is because this woman placed a spell on him. Ok, that makes perfect sense. What exactly would that spell be? The limp dick spell? Could she be forced to reverse it so he got an erection envious of the makers of Viagra? Did she chant something catchy to pull this off? Maybe sing a little song or spell about a committed relationship or taking care of sick babies or whatever might make the average guy lose interest? Or, while wearing a wedding gown, did she dust off the caldron and whip up one badass witch’s brew so potent it’ll render any male within a 100 radius impotent? How the fak did the guy know she’s the one who cast the spell on his flaccid penis? Did she send him a spell-o-gram to indicate she’s the one who put the hex on his winker?

I find it particularly bizarre that this guy would publicly admit his impotence as it tends to be a sensitive, private, embarrassing issue for men and not something they wish to be subject of the world press. Impotence is not usually the sort of thing guys brag about in the locker room. They may confide in a close friend but they don’t stand around the office water cooler boasting on their inability to get it up. Yet this guy, Mr. Floppy, apparently has such a bone to pick with women, he doesn’t care if the entire world knows he can’t get a bone of his own.

Admirably, Human Rights Watch is trying to talk sense to them – even wrote a letter to our favorite royal schlep Abdullah as if anyone can talk sense to that guy.

Just when I think Saudi Arabia can’t possibly get more ridiculous, they outdo themselves. I should know better than to think I’ve heard the kookiest case out of Saudi Arabia I’ll ever hear because we’re dealing with the most faked up bunch of Islamic whackimentalists. These Saudi faks take the cake and truly are the embodiment of the concept of ‘what the fak.’ We probably say it in regards to something Saudi-related than to most of the rest of the world collectively. It happens so often, we felt we needed to assign Saudi examples their own category: FAK Saudi Arabia because we believe it’s the most faked-up place on earth.

This must be how Saudi men deal with their inadequacies. Don’t dare grant women the same rights because fak forbid a woman – a mere woman – showed them up if given the chance. Keep them down on their knees where they belong boys and if they can’t coax your tiny penis to stand up, scream bloody witchcraft and sentence them to death. I mean, what good is a woman if you can’t fak them? There otherwise is no point for the gender. Women are good for bearing your children and waiting on your sorry ugly asses you hide under the robes but if you can’t screw her because you can’t get it up, what good is a woman?

I’m waiting for them to sentence women to death for being ugly. Maybe install a good-looks element to your vice and virtue police while they’re out picking on people for other nonsense that’s only a crime in your faked-up country. Let them have a peek behind the veil to see if she’s packing a pretty face or not & if not, get rid of her. Why not force women to undergo evaluations by a panel of male losers(ie the Saudi male population) and if she’s not able to excite any on the panel sexually, then off with her head. Why bother keeping around unfakable women in the kingdom? Gee, I shouldn’t say these things because it might give the Saudi faks an idea of another way to make life hell for the women imprisoned there(ie female citizens).

There you go – give these jobs to guys so ugly they otherwise could never get laid. I’m convinced that’s what all these unwarranted strip searches are about. Have you heard about this business woman who was arrested and strip searched for the big bad crime of sitting in the family section of a Riyadh Starbucks with male co-workers? Oh the horror! What the fak was the strip search about? Did they think she pocketed a few Sweet n Low packets from Starbucks to unlawfully use later at home or at McDonald’s? What the fak was that about? The arrest ridiculous but the strip search? How again was that necessary? I’m convinced it’s just because these religious police are of the unfakable category – so repulsively ugly the only chance they may ever get to see a naked woman is to join the religi-police force where the main perk is strip searching women. I can just imagine the job description – pay’s not that great and no 401K plan but if you happen to see a woman that strikes your fancy, you can grab her off the street, make up some BS crime and strip search her to your heart’s content and do with her what you will because she’s merely a base woman. Now that’s some interactive porn!

Yeah and again, I must ask - I know why but I must ask anyway: Why the fak isn’t the U.S. doing something about these fakers? That’s why I had to laugh to hear our pal W yammer on his concern for human rights in a recent BBC interview. If you want a good laugh, you can watch it in its entirety. I'm impressed with W's ability to maintain his consistency for over 7 years in office. 7 years and just as faking stupid as he was the day he first occupied the Oval Office. Only the truly stupid fail to learn through passive observation when repeatedly exposed to the same things. Again W confirms he really is a moron.

Sure W cares deeply about human rights and dignity, and I’m sure he’s been meaning to talk to his sweetie Abdullah about Saudi Arabia’s disregard for human rights but he’s yet to figure out a gentle way to bring it up during all of those chummy gatherings. There’s just never a good time. We understand. We understand exactly why W doesn’t dare bring it up. It’s the same way we understand that W talks out his ass and the more he attempts to exhibit sincerity, the more transparent he becomes for his true motivations and concerns. We're not stupid like you Georgie. We know human rights and dignity don’t appear anywhere on your list of priorities - not even way down at the bottom with things like organizing your sock drawer.

Your vote:

No votes yet