Environ--de-mentalists

When the term ‘environmentalist’ comes to mind, I think recycling, water conservation, reusable shopping bags NOT setting fire to luxury homes because the homebuilders claim the homes were built in an environmentally-friendly fashion yet you don’t think so. This seems to be the story behind fires set by a group protesting the environmental-friendliness of a group of luxury homes in a Seattle suburb.

So you call yourself an environmentalist, disagree that a home was built within environmentally-conscious guidelines so the best and greenest course of action – as an environmentalist – is to burn the faker down?

What the fak kind of demented logic is that? Have the oxymoronically environmental arsonists considered the fact this wise move of theirs might not be so environmentally-friendly either? Don’t burning housing materials pollute the air? What about the embers of the disputed environmentally friendly materials? So you think the homebuilder used vinyl flooring instead of the biodegradable non-toxic type and that’s bad for the environment. Ok, point taken and I agree with that BUT how much more toxic does that vinyl flooring become when you aim your flame at it in the name of Mother Earth? Isn’t burning plastic and glue and total house contents kind of a bit problematic to the air quality? What if you intend to merely flick your Bic to the exorbitant resource-sucking luxury homes BUT the fire decides to do what fires love to do by nature: spread? What if it spreads to a car in the vicinity and kaboom goes the gas tank? Yeah petrol fires fantastically beneficial to the air quality. Like a breath of fresh air after a spring rain: NOT! What if the fire charges past your intended residential targets to the forest nearby? You know how fires can be with minds of their own. Now, you set the forest on fire, and you’re an environmentalist, and aren’t you supposed to want to protect those? Ever hear the term ‘tree hugger’? Burning down forest a no-no for the environmentalist.

How about all of the water wasted to fight these fires? Every good environmentalist knows along with recycling, you’re supposed to encourage water conservation so how the fak does setting fire to houses reinforce your environmental intentions when water consumption NOT conservation is required to fight the fires? Can these eco-terrorists – oxymoron #2 of the story – explain that one to me? I can understand protesting in order to bring your points to light or writing letters to the homebuilders demanding they verify materials used to back their environmental claims or working with REAL environmental groups to ensure there are viable standards met when builders make claims structures are built to environmentally-friendly standards. These all good approaches to the imposition and enforcement of environmental building standards. Burning the homes down because you disagree they’ve been built to greener standards does NOT an environmentalist make you stupid fak.

I love when people join a group and have NO faking idea what membership is about. Maybe they simply need a hobby and don’t really care what the cause is or everyone else is doing it and they don’t understand but don’t want to be the only one on the block that’s not a member like those book club members who don’t read the books and show up every week unprepared and continue to attend the meetings only because they don’t want to be left out. What is the faking point if you haven’t read the book, huh?

Same applies to these faks. Environmentalist groups PROTECT the environment. What the fak is an ‘eco-terrorist’ environmentalist? A quick glance at etymology screams contradiction of terms. Eco-terrorist means you terrorize ecology or the environment as ‘ecology’ and ‘environment’ are synonymous so there is no faking way you can be an environmentalist(meaning someone FOR the environment) if you are terrorizing it. You are a person who terrorizes the environment which kind of eliminates the option of protecting the environment because unless you’re a schizophrenic, this dual-role is impossible. It’s like a dieting chocoholic or a vegetarian slamming down Big Macs. It reminds me of that Sesame Street lesson on matching like things with Cookie Monster or Big Bird singing to the kids: ‘which one of these things doesn’t go together?’ Vegetarians who eat meat are NOT vegetarians no more than arsonist/eco-terrorists are environmentalists.

Let’s try this folks – when choosing to join groups of interest, please understand what the fak you’re joining. Take a moment to read the brochure or website, ok? If you’re into arson, I’m sure there’s some sort of group that caters to your interests like Firestarters where fire-loving maniacs can brag about record burn times or get into a debate on the best fire accelerants and pick up tips on how to avoid blowing yourself up when in the vicinity of those pesky natural gas lines or naming the most reliable brand of matches that won't even fail you in a hurricane if you're dying to burn something to the ground before the storm can rip it from the foundation in true man vs nature form.

There seems to be recreational group for every possible interest so with a little time and research, no matter what your flavor, there's a group just right for you. Whether you're an out of control stamp collector, sex addict, or obsessive compulsive hand-washer, in some room at a community center near you, there are other similiar freaks with your shared demented interests. Don't lose faith - you will find them so don't rush to join a pet lovers group if you rape small animals because that's the wrong sort of pet lover and if you'd just taken the time to read and comprehend the brochure, you'd see animal sodomy was not listed as a suitable characteristic for a potential pet lover member.

Also, once you find a suitable group, take a moment and make sure you’re in the right place and haven’t mistakenly crossed the hall at the community center and ended up in the sex addicts club when you should’ve enrolled at the impotence support group because believe me, you’re going to stand out in the sex addicts club if you can’t get it to stand up and everyone’s going to notice. You’ll look as fakin stupid as these eco-terrorists attempting to claim their violent, harmful actions are performed in name of protecting the environment they destroy with their fakin stupidity.