Happiness Overload

What is this American obsession with happiness? Why must everyone and everything be happy even if it’s fake? Life isn’t meant to be happy 100% of the time despite what the anti-depressant ads tell us but then again, they want to sell their happy pills. After all, it’s in their best interest to convince the public that life should always feel happy and if not, there’s something wrong with you. Luckily, you can simply pop this pill and smile so you fit in with all the other happy faces around you. Don’t frown or scowl or you’ll risk being forcibly taken to a therapist by a friendly intervention of happy people.

I often hear radio and tv ads for this local grocery store chain that’s recently physically renovated their stores to brighten its image to a happier shade of happy. The new slogan?? ‘Shop happy!’ Tv ads mimic a Broadway musical with very happy people dancing around with sloppy grins because they’re just SO happy to be shopping in the happiest store on earth.

I suspect it was done to appeal to this happiness seeking society that keeps their therapists on speed-dial just in case there’s a chance of clouds interfering with their otherwise sunny day.

Shop happy – why? Why must I be happy when I shop? What is with this forced and false happiness simply for the sake of happiness everywhere we go with everything we do?

I go to the supermarket for food, not to make new friends. Am I really supposed to believe the cashier cares how I am today? I’ll admit I really don’t care much about what’s going on in his/her life so why must we engage in the mindless banter? Why must people feel the need to fill silence with nothing but meaningless chatter? I could see a ‘hi’ as a greeting but why engage in more conversation when truthfully there is nothing to discuss? Do I know you from a previous life? Do we have some catching up to do? No? Then why are you trying to talk to me about nothing?

There’s another chain that’s equally annoying for another reason: bum-kissing customer service. I appreciate good customer service like most people do but this place pushes their luck. Thanks to those shopping cards, your name appears on your receipt. Upon conclusion of the transaction, with sloppy grin in place, the cashier thanks you by name. Ah, how sweet! That personal touch that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I just wish I had a more complicated surname to offer more of a challenge. If you’re going to annoy me with false friendliness, then why should I give you such an easy time of it?

This same chain also trains its cashiers to also ask customers if they need help taking their purchases to their car. I simply ask they also train the cashiers to employ a bit of common sense when posing this question. Learn to evaluate the purchase. Is this a cartload full of groceries OR a minor purchase like a pack of gum because they ask regardless of purchase. I was standing there wondering this one day, and the guy ahead of me only bought a pack of gum, and wouldn’t you believe the cashier asked him if he needed help out to the car. I thought it was a fluke and noticed that this is definitely store policy. I stopped in one day for a bottle of water and was offered help to my car. I simply couldn’t believe it. However it goes along well with the questions of care and concern when you and the cashier really couldn’t give a damn how the other’s day is going.

Test the theory. Next time you’re at the supermarket and the cashier poses the standard ‘how are you today?’ question, answer creatively. Men: Start telling them you were fine until you discovered you had erectile dysfunction this morning when your wife indicated she was in the mood for some lovin. Women: Tell the cashier your husband is keeping you up at night because he’s a sex addict. What kind of advice can they offer? See what kind of response that gets you.

I figure if enough people start answering a stupid question with a stupid answer, it’ll curtail the stupid questions from being asked for fear of stupid answers in response. As our position at whatthefak is strongly anti-stupid, a world without stupid questions is our ideal. You’ll often hear ‘there is no such thing as a stupid question.’ Oh but there is - so please stop asking them.