Get Married or You're Fired!

Get married or you’re fired! Something uttered by a new version of the obnoxious Donald Trump on his famed reality show The Apprentice? No, afraid not. This is the threat issued to single workers at Iran’s state-owned Pars Special Economic Energy Zone Company which controls the gas and petrochemical network along the Gulf. Shockingly: a screwy policy in Iran – home of the ‘fashion police,’ that go about harassing both citizens and foreign visitors alike for dressing too un-Islamically with such violations cited as ‘showing too much hair’ or wearing a color they deem too bright.

I wonder where they stand at that lime green shade that was so popular a few summers ago. So in a country with fashion police, nothing Iran-related surprises me but still something like this order to marry or be fired makes me say: WHAT THE FAK! Yet again, deranged religious beliefs lead to another example of pure insanity.

What kind of idiotic personally invasive directive is this you may ask? Marry or you’re fired from your job? What could be the reason behind it? Who the fak are they to tell employees they must marry or be fired?

Well yet again I’m laughing in that ‘isn’t this royally faked up’ way because places like Iran never fail to repeatedly offers example upon example of logic-defiant actions in the name of religion. Very illogical logic at best.

This particular company has given its single employees until September 21 to get married or face termination according to a BBC report.

The company claims the order was given in its sorry ass attempt to reduce the number of prostitutes working the area of Iran’s Gulf coast. It also claims that 'some of our colleagues did not fulfill their commitments and are still single.' Lied about their experience or that degree from Harvard? No. Instead the single employees failed to do this 'important and moral religious duty' as quote from the company's statement. WHAT THE FAK!

Ok, here’s where their logic makes no sense:

In Iran, it’s illegal to have sexual relations unless you’re married whether it’s with your girlfriend/boyfriend, your fiancé, your favorite pet, the hole in the wall. Once you are married, you are only allowed to have sex with your spouse: all else constitutes adultery which is often punished with death especially if you’re the woman and even if you really didn’t commit adultery but instead were walking too close to some man other than your husband. You may as well have had wild sex with the strange man because you’ll be prosecuted as if you did anyway.

The company has said that the marriage order was issued in the attempt to reduce the number of prostitutes hanging around BUT it fails to acknowledge that being married does not make one moral AND that regardless, having sex with a prostitute is illegal so married or unmarried, the person hiring the prostitute and the prostitute have committed a crime upon having sex. Just because you have a husband or a wife does not mean you’re not going to go off and have sex with a prostitute; therefore I don’t see how marriage would prevent solicitation of prostitutes. Obviously, despite the fact it’s illegal to even have sex with a prostitute, people are doing it anyway hence the apparent market for prostitutes who wouldn’t be hanging around unless there was a demand. So, how will forcing all of your employees into marriage dissolve the market for prostitutes? It’s as if these fakheads don’t even understand their own stupid laws. Sex outside of marriage is illegal; therefore, I deduce that the only way to have legal sex with a prostitute if it you are married to a prostitute. Otherwise sex with a prostitute is illegal. Is that difficult to grasp? WAIT there’s the solution: force your employees to marry the prostitutes. Problem solved.

If anything, I’d think forcing people to marry someone they don’t love or desire would actually increase the demand for prostitutes because usually when someone’s unhappy in a marriage they go out looking for sex elsewhere – elsewhere being a prostitute often enough to realize this move probably stands to heighten the demand for prostitutes, and I’m wondering if these Iranian loony tunes thought of this and have some other motive in mind to push marriage or if they’re actually this stupid.