Cultural

Get married or you’re fired! Something uttered by a new version of the obnoxious Donald Trump on his famed reality show The Apprentice? No, afraid not. This is the threat issued to single workers at Iran’s state-owned Pars Special Economic Energy Zone Company which controls the gas and petrochemical network along the Gulf.

Shockingly: a screwy policy in Iran – home of the ‘fashion police,’ that go about harassing both citizens and foreign visitors alike for dressing too un-Islamically with such violations cited as ‘showing too much hair’ or wearing a color they deem too bright.

Tragically I must report I’m mourning the loss of my oldest and dearest friend’s brain – not to illness or accident but rather to religion. Yes, I’m beside myself with grief over the news that my once logical, sensible, intelligent, parallel-thinking friend has fallen prey to societal pressures and joined a Catholic church. OH THE HORROR! What’s even worse is that she actually believes this is good for her and will make her a better person. I’m still trying to figure out what was wrong with the person she already was. Upon delivering the tragic news ever so proudly, she then audaciously suggested that perhaps I should consider doing the same in order to find ‘happiness and direction in life.’ At that point, I knew her mind was lost forever. Disheartened and distraught not strong enough language for the way I feel over such horrible news.

Guys: Can’t get it up? Blame a woman – at least that seems to be what’s happening in the story of this woman Fawza Falih who’s been sentenced to death for witchcraft in our favorite faked-up place: Saudi Arabia where a man’s problem is ALWAYS a woman’s fault.

Typical Saudi injustice system shenanigans: accuse someone of a nonsensical, far-fetched crime so imaginatively unreasonable you can’t possibly believe any justice system would take it seriously – but then remember there is a faked up place called Saudi Arabia where they sentence women to death for such bizarre crimes like a man’s impotence; the direction of the wind or the position of the sun in the sky if it displeases some man; taking too many breaths per hour which depletes oxygen levels for the male population; bearing ugly children even if she’s stunningly beautiful and dad’s a hideous beast - it’s her womb’s crime for failing to erase dad’s repulsive qualities from the child before giving birth to it. It’s always the woman’s fault in Saudi Arabia even for things upon which she has ZERO control or influence.

I am sure you are wondering what do two far-away countries have in common between each other and Valentine's Day. Perhaps they regular readers of this blog (if there are any) already know the answer because they can understand how I think. For all the others keep reading until it becomes apparent to you that, indeed, Valentine's Day, Saudi Arabia and the Philippines do have something in common.

I could try to give you a hint but it would have helped if you were a regular visitor of the BBC web site. Anyhow, I am sure that just by looking at the tags of this story you could get the basis of the story. It is about consumerism, religion and health. If you are still wondering then just keep reading. I hope that it will become clear to you.

It’s that time of year we’re reminded of the human capacity for stupidity specific to football. American football that is not European football or soccer as it’s called in the US. While I discuss the American phenomena of football-inspired moronics here, I will openly admit this is one of the few times I must judge European football fans much worse than Americans – often riots break out and attending a ‘football’ game in Europe especially when it’s a game between 2 vicious rivals can literally be dangerous. The fans reach a level of nuts the Americans have yet to master but something to which to aspire. While not nearly as insanely combative, the American counterparts do a pretty decent job of exhibited a category of stupidity I can only classify as ‘sports-specific stupid’ especially when it comes to their beloved football.

You’ve seen the marketing campaigns boasting: ‘Everything is bigger in Texas.’ Too bad this now includes a new environmentally detrimental claim to fame according to a recent AP story.

Texas is the biggest, baddest state - environmentally speaking - with the highest level of carbon emissions in the U.S. thanks to a combination of culprits such as coal-burning power plants, oil and gas refineries, post-BBQ flatulence, and excessive, unnecessary vehicle emissions spewed forth by the preferred vehicle of Texas: big, gas-guzzling trucks. Whether or not they have anything to haul, Texans LOVE their pickup trucks or some other ridiculously huge vehicle with passenger capacity of 8 but usually only ever transporting ONE human being from point A to B with cargo that would easily fit in a Toyota Matrix and not even with the seat down! YEEHAW!

Sudan sentences British schoolteacher for inciting religious hatred through teddy bear named Muhammad.

Saudi Arabian rape victim sentenced for circumstances surrounding her assault.

Rowling sues Hindu festival organizers for Harry Potter copyright breach.

Sting knocked for pompous lyrics.